Come as You Are: the bestselling guide to the new science that will transform your sex life
£6.60
A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER
An essential exploration of women’s sexuality that will radically transform your sex life into one filled with confidence and joy.
After all the books that have been written about sex, all the blogs and TV shows and radio Q&As, how can it be that we all still have so many questions? The frustrating reality is that we’ve been lied to — not deliberately, it’s no one’s fault, but still. We were told the wrong story.
Come as You Are reveals the true story behind female sexuality, uncovering the little-known science of what makes us tick and, more importantly, how and why. Sex educator Dr Emily Nagoski debunks the common sexual myths that are making women (and some men!) feel inadequate between the sheets.
Underlying almost all of the questions we still have about sex is the common worry: ‘Am I normal?’ This book answers with a resounding Yes! We are all different, but we are all normal — and once we learn this, we can create for ourselves better sex and more profound pleasure than we ever thought possible.
PRAISE FOR EMILY NAGOSKI
‘As a literary work, Nagoski’s book deserves plaudits for the rare achievement of merging pop science and the sexual self-help genre in prose that’s not insufferably twee … “You are normal!” doesn’t sound much like a battlecry, but in a world keen to sexually homogenise women from the gap of their thighs to the shape of their mons pubis, the sentiment lands like a bomb.’ The Guardian
‘Come As You Are screams female empowerment loud and proud.’ The Independent
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Additional information
| Publisher | Scribe, UK edition (9 April 2015) |
|---|---|
| Language | English |
| File size | 1241 KB |
| Text-to-Speech | Enabled |
| Screen Reader | Supported |
| Enhanced typesetting | Enabled |
| X-Ray | Enabled |
| Word Wise | Enabled |
| Sticky notes | On Kindle Scribe |
| Print length | 419 pages |
by Doris
Dr Nagoski is just phenomenal, this book combines the science with heart-felt supportive messages to all women and truly made me realise how normal I am, and has given me the confidence to try new things and challenge my own beliefs. I guarantee no matter what position you’re at in your life, you will gain something from reading this book if you were born with a vagina. And even if you weren’t, stick it out because you’ll still learn a thing or two!
by Singis Tinge
Very informative book that makes you think and reflect on not just your own sexuality but the sexuality of society as a whole.
I picked this up (after reading some reviews) with the intention of trying to give my SO (who has some body image and anxiety issues) a little bit of a confidence boost. I began reading the first chapter to make sure this was a legitimate book and not some unfounded claptrap (like a lot of self help books). Suddenly I was half way through the book and thoroughly engaged. This book is obviously aimed at women but as a man I feel this could actually teach you a lot about your female partner. A theme that crops up in the book is the pressure a woman can feel to perform for a partner who craves their “love” which creates the adverse effect of reducing the woman’s desire for intimacy because they feel pressured to do so. This is fine for the woman realising this by reading it in this book but without the partner learning it, it would still be a one sided realisation so I recommend reading this together as a couple. I wish there was a book in the same vein aimed for the male partner or even a book that encompasses both sides in a relationship.
The book so far has been a thoroughly interesting read backing up the science with evidence provided by past researchers in the field and dropping their names so you can look them up yourself if you want further reading. The science is explained plainly and with some extremely easy to understand metaphors. The rat and the lemon section for example was like a realisation of something you kind of always knew but when spelled out to you that human brains are not as complex as you might have assumed it seems so obvious once it is explained plainly how we tick. Each chapter even has a TLDR section at the end to recap and summarise the previous “lesson” or “message” the chapter is teaching you.
If I can summarise the messages I am getting from this book it is that no matter what problems you feel you have in your love life or with your body (and so many people seem to have such a variety of issues which this book gives examples of) it is that you don’t have a problem at all and you are not broken you are completely normal and there are scientific explanations to explain why you are experiencing what you perceive to be problems.
If you want to unravel the ball of string in your mind that is your own perception of your or your partners (or societies) sexuality so you can see both ends of the string (and everything in between) I recommend this book. If you are a couple with a healthy sex life or a couple experiencing a perceived rough patch I would recommend this to both parties as it could improve anyone’s understanding of their and others sexual self.
My reason for four stars rather than five is the same reason given as others was that at some points you feel like you are about to get an answer to one of your specific perceived issues (the reason you bought the book) and then the author will say “more on this in chapter 5” which can be frustrating but it definitely keeps you reading and learning more than just the specific issue you were looking for an answer for. This does make you learn a lot more than why you probably bought the book so it is beneficial to you, but if you wanted a quick answer to “why am I like X” it might frustrate you, but carry on reading and you will learn a lot more than you thought you would.
by Mrs. So Roussinov
Seriously.
I found it a little heavy going at times as I have a short attention span, and had to re-read some sections. Well worth it though for anyone who wants to understand themselves and their partner better and learn to let go of whatever may be holding them back.
by Bethany Pearson
Engagingly written, and interesting content. It’s hard to dip in and out of this sort of book over large periods of time for me personally, but it’s great for sinking a couple hours at a time into. Also visually a very pretty book.
by Same as ordered. Excellent material, delivered on time and with care.
Excellent delivery, quick on time. Same as ordered.
by TruthfulReviewer
I know a lot about sex. I’ve had decades of it. But I learnt useful new stuff from this book. I’m now recommending it to everyone.
by K. G. A. Alavi
Ok when I saw the tile of this book it thought probably what everyone else though about this book. (Ok the introduction and chapter 8 and appendix one might be, but the rest is science over myth), If it did not come so highly recommended from a respected friend of mine from uni. I probably would not every given it the first look. Read is as some “light reading” doing her PhD in Psychology. So of course she decided to experiment on her friend to get a male perspective on the book. So let me get this out of the way first. No!! This is not a collection of sex stories. There are actual case studies. They are not written to be provocative but to understand the feeling or the accelerators and the breaks.
Thought Emily does quote a number of scientific theories and is by her own admission a “nerd” (no judgement I have been a proud geek for years), you do not have to be to understand the book, it is written in an easy to read way. I found there is a lot of truth to this book, and even though it is written primarily for women in mind I think both me men and women can lean a lot from it and will see traits of both in the case studies.
I also think there are some very important messages in this book the main one being the first like and echoed through out the book “you are OK. You are normal. You are not broken”. Usually when ever we do not fit the mold or something does not live up out our expectations one of those three thought does through our heads. the other messages that she tries to show us are the messages we are bombarded with through out our lives the “that is wrong”, “you should look like this”, or “that is not normal”. I quite like the idea of celebrating differences then persecuting people for them.
This is a great book with a lot of insightful theories, and science against myth and breaking down some pretty big wall. theories of sex ans psychology have been linked since Sigmund Freud, as some theories have moved on others we still have so much to learn about in others. A great book that should be read by everyone, and commented on what you agree with or disagree with.
by Ana Lavinia
I wish I had read this book when I was in my 20s and I was disappointed sex wasn’t like the media presented it. I remember being on the verge of giving it up, not understanding what the fuss was all about.
It took me more than ten years to learn and accept the way my body worked. You should read this book so that you don’t waste a decade doubting yourself, like I did.
As I was reading I realised that now, at 42, I knew all the things in this book. I was not aware I knew all of that and I wasn’t aware there was science behind what I learned intuitively, by listening to my body. Most of all, I didn’t know other women were dealing with the same issues. I thought it was just me. So, it all felt very validating.