How to Not Die Alone: The Surprising Science That Will Help You Find Love
£12.99
‘A definitive guide for a generation navigating the murky waters of modern love’ Esther Perel
A funny and practical guide to help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.
Have you ever looked around and wondered, “Why has everyone found love except me?” You’re not the only one. Great relationships don’t just appear in our lives – they’re the culmination of a series of decisions, including who to date, how to end it with the wrong person, and when to commit to the right one. But our brains often get in the way. We make poor decisions, which thwart us on our quest to find lasting love.
Drawing from years of research, behavioral scientist turned dating coach Logan Ury reveals the hidden forces that cause those mistakes. But awareness on its own doesn’t lead to results. You have to actually change your behavior. Ury shows you how.
This book focuses on a different decision in each chapter, incorporating insights from behavioral science, original research, and real-life stories. You’ll learn:
– What’s holding you back in dating (and how to break the pattern)
– What really matters in a long-term partner (and what really doesn’t)
– How to overcome the perils of online dating (and make the apps work for you)
– How to meet more people in real life (while doing activities you love)
– How to make dates fun again (so they stop feeling like job interviews)
– Why “the spark” is a myth (but you’ll find love anyway)
This data-driven, step-by-step guide to relationships, complete with hands-on exercises, is designed to transform your life. How to Not Die Alone will help you find, build, and keep the relationship of your dreams.
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Additional information
| Publisher | Piatkus (4 Jan. 2024) |
|---|---|
| Language | English |
| Paperback | 352 pages |
| ISBN-10 | 0349442150 |
| ISBN-13 | 978-0349442150 |
by The Cooking Passport
Logan presents the concept of dating and our own emotional baggage in a clear and accessible way. This is a great book to help you review those in your life now and in the past. The best part is that is not only focus on dating but ensure and presents ideas of how to build a string healthy relationship.
by Miles
This book helped me to learn more about relationships and helped me to see what I am doing wrong and how I can improve. The book itself is very easy to read and has a lot of funny moments that made me laugh. It also has pro forma questions and a contract in the appendix.
Nevertheless, it is a great book that I’d recommend to everyone.
by Myles Lam
The book is written for people that already have plenty of matches and prospects and want to filter those down from short write off flings to relationships that are more deep and real.
Unless you are in the top 20% of men with multiple matches or an average woman, this book will not help you very much. If you’re a man or woman that barely gets any matches through online dating., this book will be useless.
As an average man some of the advice you can expect goes along the lines of:
– Commit to a date in the next three weeks
– Try not to see more than 3 people at once
– Don’t be put off by small pet peeves like onion breath
None of the advice in this book helps with actually getting those dates in the first place. Depending on your own mental health, it can be interesting or depressing to see how the other side have to deal with such issues.
Now there is one chapter that talks about meeting people in real life that seems more actionable for everyone, however the book really should not be bought for that chapter alone.
by Mia
I was really excited about this book because of scientific claims, but gave up in the middle because all I found was a rehash of well known dating theories (I.e. attachment style) and super generic advice (I.e. don’t be picky and go out more)
As the author points out, if you are over 30 and single, you are mostly left with people who have avoidant or anxious attachment style (and you are probably one of them). Her professional advice is to find someone with a secure attachment style. Duh, if only I had a magic wand to get this one remaining secure attachment guy to materialise in front of me. It would have been more helpful to hear some strategies about how to date in the remaining pool. For example, how do you establish what a man is looking for without seeming desperate? When a man doesn’t text you for 3 days after moving things to the bedroom, is this a red flag or just a normal guy behaviour you shouldn’t overthink?
She spends some time discussing how people focus on all the wrong things like looks and chemistry. Her professional advice is “don’t do that”. My mom gives me the same advice daily for free. Yet, I went on over a 100 dates, and, every time I pushed myself to go out with a person I didn’t spark with, it never grew. The only exception to this are people you are frequently exposed to in casual settings, like work, school or hobbies. This comes down to blind luck though as, in my age group, most men you meet this way are either married or are way to young.
The book made it abundantly clear that the author actually never experienced struggles with finding people to date offline or talked to anyone who did. I don’t think you need to be miserable in dating to write a helpful book, but you should definitely spend enough time interviewing people who are. Let’s take her advice to attend events for instance. I once signed up for a woodworking workshop, which I thought would be fun and full of men. What I found were just women and some teens. The same thing happens with any hobby I tried out or “I think guys may be there” event I attended. Men over 30 just don’t do these sort of things. They do, of course, have hobbies, but tend to pursue them with their buddies or alone.
In summary, if this is the first dating book you read, you may benefit from it, as it will point you to some other resources you may find helpful. For the rest of us, it’s back to hoping that the luck strikes and we end up bumping into the right person one way or another.
by MISS C HORAK
I liked this book because it doesn’t hide the fact that successful relationships take effort. Continuously.
The book also combines science with practical exercises, which is something I’m a big fan of. (Although I have to say the marriage statistics presented on the “end of happily ever after” left me rather crushed…)
From my end though, I’m single right now so I haven’t been able to use the advice and exercises in a number of the later chapters of the book.
However, something I really liked about this book is that it literally takes you through the full relationship life cycle. Meeting someone, dating, breaking up and making it work in the long term
Many books stop at finding a boyfriend or husband. This one drills home that finding someone is very much only the beginning.
As with many books, just reading them won’t help. It’s the actions you take following that count. And I for one am looking to get to the point where action is inevitable.
So for now I will say – thank you for your advice and the thorough follow through Logan… and here’s hoping I don’t die alone!
Good luck my fellow love and happily ever after seekers!
by Charlie
I feel like so many of these books are written with a former generation in mind, but Logan brings a youthful and very well-researched perspective to an issue that could not be more timely while Covid causes so many of us to feel alone, even in loving relationships. I highly recommend it.
by Mr C O’Reilly
Very easy and relatable, witty but really insightful. Ury gets her points across so well. The advice (while so different to the fairy tale of romance) is so powerful it seems easy to implement. Great book!
by Bettina
Loved this book. very interesting. highly recommend