Mind The Gap: The truth about desire and how to futureproof your sex life
£7.10£16.10 (-56%)
‘This book taught me so much about female desire. A must read!’ Cherry Healey
Did you know that there is an orgasm gap of around 30% between heterosexual couples when they have sex?
In Mind The Gap, Dr Karen Gurney, a clinical psychologist and certified psychosexologist, explores not just this gap, but the gaps in our knowledge of so much of the most important new science around sex and desire.
In this book, you will learn that nearly everything that you’ve been led to believe about female sexuality isn’t actually true. And that, despite what you might think, it is possible to simultaneously feel little to no spontaneous desire and have a happy and mutually satisfying sex life long term.
Exploring the mismatch between ideas about sex in our society and what the science tells us, Mind The Gap also explains how this disconnect lies at the root of many of our sexual problems.
Combining science with case studies, practical exercises and tips, this is a book for anyone who wants to better understand the mechanics of desire and futureproof their sex life, for life.
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Additional information
| Publisher | Headline Home (5 Mar. 2020) |
|---|---|
| Language | English |
| Paperback | 336 pages |
| ISBN-10 | 1472267133 |
| ISBN-13 | 978-1472267139 |
| Dimensions | 15.56 x 2.54 x 23.5 cm |
by Will
I liked this book! As someone who has been mystified by some of the rituals surrounding sex, especially with some of the women I have had intimate relationships this helped me get a grasp of some of the misconceptions that “society and the media” have use believe and what is reality for many of us. I do like the focus on empowering women, especially to be more assertive in some situations.
Things I liked:
1) Discussion of sexual currency
2) Exploration of sex and not just being “traditional” PIV sex
3) Reviewing and understanding the conditions for sex and how this is complex and different for everyone
4) The example scenarios
5) The sum up questions at the end of the chapters
I will read these points again 🙂
I’m going to make a few points and you can take them or leave them as you wish.
1) The author mentions the orgasm gap, i.e. that men have more orgasms than women and this is important, but also states that frequency of sex is not important. Also I would like to point out that many women have the capability to have more intense and multiple orgasms that men will never experience. This presents another “orgasm gap” in society. I just wanted to get this perspective across.
2) From what I understand sometimes women do not want to achieve orgasm or perhaps state they have experienced it, because it gives their partner a perceived ego boost. I’m sure this is not just limited to male partners. This to me presents another dynamic and I would liked to have seen vulnerabilities and insecurities regarding this issue discussed.
by Rehana Shivji
There’s a lot of misinformation and myths surrounding the issue of sex, particularly for women, but in this fantastic book, Dr. Karen Gurney creates an accessible, inclusive, well-evidenced (and even at times humorous!) resource for women and their partners.
She expertly weaves together her experiences from her clinical psychologist therapy room, with evidence from academic papers, addressing and deconstructing social scripts as well as giving the reader tangible exercises to begin putting this new-found knowledge into practice.
If you’re in a long term relationship, this book, without a doubt, is a must-read resource. Even if you’re not currently in a relationship, the book guides you to reflect on previous relationships and how you might approach your next one with the confidence to ensure you and your partner have a future-proofed sex life! Can’t recommend highly enough.
by Andrew McHenry
Arrived quickly and as described- thanks!
by Lydia
This book by Dr Gurney is an absolute must read for anyone looking to unlearn the unhelpful ideas and myths we are taught in our sex education and by society. Whilst this book focuses on the topic of desire, many many more topics are intertwined into this, which can benefit everyone on so many levels. It is well written, and easy to read, broken down into several parts and chapters, with reiteration of key points to help you learn without feeling as though you really have to try to memorise every detail. The exercises at the end of the chapter enable simple and practical implementation of many of the key topics discussed in the book, within your own life. You also do not need to be in a relationship, or have any issues with desire to read this book, as it functions as a very useful guide for your life long sexual journey.
by Michele
All my life I thought the issues of low / no desire were my problems, my fault, mine to ‘solve’. It turns out that, through reading Dr Karen’s book, that’s false, I’m normal! It’s society and history that have made me feel broken when I wasn’t.
Her book is reassuring, easy to follow and full of ideas.
I heartedly recommend it.
Thank you, Karen, for writing this
by Susan
I saw this book reviewed in the Daily Telegraph. This is the second recent book I have read about this topic – the other one was “Raising the skirt – the unsung power of the vagina” by Dr Catherine Blackledge.
Many women worry about low sex drive however this is based on the prevalent model of sexual desire which focuses on spontaneous desire which is more of a male thing.
The main takeaway for me from reading Mind the Gap was that sexual desire must be considered alongside cultural influences (for instance how sex is shown on TV).
She reminds us that women have often been socialised to put their own needs after others’ (men’s) needs and this means that women are not asking for what they want. It also means that women are reluctant to initiate sex. This reminds me of Germaine Greer’s famous book “The Female Eunuch” (which was released nearly 50 years ago). I have seen The Female Eunuch” quoted in other books many times however they never seem to quote the main point of book which is that women are not going to get anywhere until they stop being passive in sex (hence the title of the book).
One thing that did surprise me in Mind The Gap was that it talks about monogamy being seen as possibly problematic and there is consideration of the benefits of having multiple partners on many pages in the book. Also I didn’t realise that very few women reach orgasm from penetrative sex alone. (PIV – penis in vagina – as the book calls it. So that is what PIV means.)
I found the idea of sexual currency useful – that is anything, apart from sex, which increases desire.
Also the author does not like the idea of seeing sexual desire as a “drive”. She prefers to talk about motivations instead.