The Disease To Please: Curing the People-Pleasing Syndrome (NTC SELF-HELP)
£11.40£13.30 (-14%)
What’s wrong with being a “people pleaser?” Plenty!
“A fascinating book… If you struggle with where, when, and how to draw the line between your own desires and the demands of others, buy this book!”Kay Redfield Jamison, bestselling author of An Unquiet Mind and Night Falls Fast
People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say “Yes” when they really want to say “No.” For them, the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others is an addiction. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use “niceness” and “people-pleasing” as self-defense camouflage.
Featured on NBC’s “Today,” The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that “people pleasing” is a benign problem. Best-selling author and frequent “Oprah” guest Dr. Harriet Braiker offers clear, positive, practical, and easily do-able steps toward recovery.
Begin with a simple but revealing quiz to discover what type of people-pleaser you are. Then learn how making even small changes to any single portion of the Disease to Please Triangle – involving your thoughts, feelings, and behavior – will cause a dramatic, positive and long-lasting change to the overall syndrome.
As a recovered peoplepleaser, you will finally see that a balanced way of living that takes others into consideration but puts the emphasis first on pleasing yourself and gaining your own approval is the clearest path to health and happiness.
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Additional information
| Publisher | McGraw-Hill Education (13 Feb. 2002) |
|---|---|
| Language | English |
| Paperback | 304 pages |
| ISBN-10 | 0071385649 |
| ISBN-13 | 978-0071385640 |
| Dimensions | 18.03 x 2.13 x 23.37 cm |
by Elfin
This is an interesting read even if you are not a chronic ‘people -pleaser’-just a ‘mild case’. At the very beginning she puts people into three groups: 1) Cognitive people-pleasers ; 2) Behavioural people-pleaser ; 3)Emotionally avoidant people-pleasers. (You don’t need to do the quiz if you haven’t got time or do not consider yourself chronic people-pleaser.)As you proceed she will give you an energetic explanation : What is the core of this ‘niceness’? (Fear of rejection; fear of abandonment; fear of anger – fear of negative emotions in general manifesting in this defence mechanism.) After the ‘diagnosis’ she focuses on the cure. I would suggest to read the LOOK INSIDE to see if the writing style is for you or not before you purchase this book.
I read this book a while ago and also read other self-awareness books and I can honestly say it does help if you get into the mindset of a more self-focused person (without being self-centered!) as relatives and friends are often trying to impose on us things we don’t want to do – just pause for a moment, re-group and think twice before you say Yes, but in order to do this you need to be self-aware enough not to depend on other peoples’ validation.
This takes time – and the author is aware of that too and urges you not to rush things.
Harriet Braiker also wrote another masterpiece : Who is Pulling Your Strings – How to Break the Cycle of Manipulation and Regain Control of Your Life. (The only book which addresses the mechanism of manipulation in great details and more ‘unisex’ than the others -so suitable for male, even ‘alpha or beta+ male’ target audience.)
She sadly passed away a few years ago at the age of 55. She was a clinical psychologist and published some other excellent self-help books for women to resolve stress issues and grief (such as the earlier published book : The Type of E Women – ‘E’ represent the woman who is ‘everything to everybody’ .)
by green
One of the best book by Harriet B. Braiker for everyone who wants to have happy life.
by Ronni
Will change the way you act and think and improve your life.
by morningstar
Haven’t read all this book
by mark bagnall
Rwcoment to all my nice (to nice) friends
by C M Clarkson
Clear, informative, accessible, well written, incisive, soundly argued, intelligent, no nonsense and based on credible research. Of all the populist psychology books out there, this book stands out as an absolute gem.
by Nancy
In the process of reading.
by Limiting Factor
This is a good book if, like me, people pleasing is in your make-up. I was recommended this by a counsellor.
I didn’t find it necessary to read the whole thing; there is a quiz near the beginning which points you towards the most relevant sections for you. I found this really helpful, and the book chimes with other work I’ve been doing with transactional analysis etc.
Overall very much worthwhile. It didn’t get 5 stars because here and there I found it a little heavy going. It is also interesting that the author assumes early on that most of her readers will be female. I’m not challenging this at all but it’s interesting what it says about our society. Anyway, some of us blokes are prone to people-pleasing too, and the book is just as useful for us. (Probably does us no harm to have the boot on the other foot, given how patriarchal our society still is, but I digress.)